Style Academy #5

Active vs Passive Voice

Exercises
Rewrite Paragraph in Active Voice
An examination of an applicant's academic record is made by us to determine whether he has established a strong affirmative case in regard to the character of his general education, and his fitness for graduate work in his proposed subject of study. Letters of recommendation from persons who are in a position to analyze the candidate's abilities and to estimate his promise are given very serious consideration. The results of the Graduate Record Examination are used as a supplementary objective check on the candidate's aptitudes and knowledge. In the consideration of applicants, regard is given to character and promise as well as to scholastic attainment. A personal interview is not required. 

We will examine the applicant's academic record to determine whether they have established a strong affirmative case in regard to the character of their general education, and fitness for graduate work in their proposed subject of study. We give very serious consideration to letters of recommendation from persons who are in a position to analyze the candidate's abilities and to estimate the candidate's promise. The results of the Graduate Record Examination are used as a supplementary objective check on the candidate's aptitudes and knowledge. We give regard to character and promise as well as to scholastic attainment in the consideration of applicants. A personal interview is not required.

Combine the sentences into one paragraph.
On September 17, 2007, the student government at the University of Florida invited Senator John Kerry to speak at a Constitution Day forum. After his speak had ended, Kerry was asked questions by students in the audience. Soon, the moderator told students there would be no more questions, but according to eyewitnesses and police reports, Andrew Meyer, a twenty-one year old writer for the UF's student newspaper, shouted, "You will take my question because I have been listening to your crap for two hours!" The police at the forum began escorting Meyer out if the auditorium, but he broke free from their grasp and ran back to the microphone, demanding to be heard. Kerry than encouraged the police to let Meyer ask his question. As Meyer began his long, three part questions, with an obscenity thrown in, the moderator cut the power to the microphone. After he refused to sit down or stop talking, the police officers grabbed Meyer and tried to forcibly remove him, but he resisted and the police officers had to wrestle him to the ground and threaten to shock him the an X-26 Taser. He shouted, "Don't rase me, bro!" but a police officer tased him and Meyer shouted out in pain. Kyle Mitchell, a writer from The Gainsville Sun, filmed the entire event, and the video has been viewed nearly seven million times after he uploaded it to YouTube.

Review
I actually had not focused as much on active verses passive sentences as the video suggested I might have. It was very interesting to learn about the difference. At first, I wasn't really understanding was it was trying to tell me, I could sort of see the difference between active and passive, but it wasn't completely clear until I started on the exercises. It is true that making a sentence active can give it more power. Even as I am writing this paragraph, I am thinking about whether I should write my sentences active or passive. The exercises really helped me think about how I am writing my sentences normally, because in some cases it is easier for me to write in active, but in other cases I struggle to find the correct way to phrase the sentence.
I also liked who the video specified that some sentences can be active, and some can still be written as passive. Like I said, sometimes it was more natural for me to write in passive, and trying to switch it over into active just seemed awkward. Now that I have practiced writing in active instead of passive, I think I will be able to better understand the difference in my writing. It will help me write better, and be more effective in editing my writing.

Issues Paper Intro

The Christian Bible holds no direct doctrine concerning the organization of the ministry for children and young adults, except Jesus Christ’s own words to “suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me” (Matthew 19:14). In accordance to Christ’s example, the  importance of the religious education of our youth has lead us to construct a long line of institutions dedicated to just that. The first organized sunday school for youth was founded in 1780, by Robert Raikes in Gloucester, England. He wanted to give the children of the time, who were over worked and down right neglected, a better start to life by teaching them to read the Bible. This idea for a youth sunday school made its way to American pioneers by 1785. (Adams, 25) One of the most widely known church centered organization is the Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA). Nearly a century after sunday schools were established, England was still a place of struggle and poverty for the youth on the streets. In London 1844, 22 year old George Williams organized the first association with 11 of his friends to study the bible and gain spiritual strength for their labored lives. The YMCA made it’s way into America just seven years later. (History - Founding) Today, the YMCA is making as big of an impact as it ever has. But it is not the only youth organization to have a lasting influence. In 1843, just one year before sunday school started in England, a man by the name of Heber C. Kimbell started the Young Gentlemen’s and Young Ladies Relief Society of Nauvoo, within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS), and under the support of the LDS prophet Joseph Smith. What started as a small youth social gathering quickly grow into a large organization of the youth of the church to learn the gospel. (Hartley) On one occasion, Joseph Smith asked the youth to help out within the community, “specifically, he asked them to fund and then build a house for a brother who was lame. In response, the youth drew up a constitution, elected officers, called monthly meetings, and opened their membership to anyone under age thirty in Nauvoo, LDS or not” (Hartley). Although many youth organizations follow this same sense of service today, many have lost the vital gospel message that they were founded on. By the 20th century, the religious education of the youth had fallen by the wayside again, until Jim Rayburn started to teach the ministry to the teenagers at a local high school. But even by the 1950’s and 60’s, the simple message of Christ being taught in those high schools and rallies around North America and England began shifting to a more relevant and relatable ministry. By the 1970’s, church leaders could see the potential of youth groups as publicity for the church to bring in the parents of those teens. The idea of a youth group had changed completely from focusing on the gospel, to simply luring people in to gain more members. By the 80’s, churches were employing extreme methods to keep the youth entertained, but even those methods did not last long, and today we see a devastating trend of youth leaving their churches after high school. (Wright)

Why did these methods not work out in the end? Where had the ministry gone wrong? It is easy to see from the downward spiral that lead to this trend, as laid out above, that youth have simply lost interest in the church. However, are youth group organizations really to blame? Today, the Young Men’s and Young Women’s organization of the the LDS church is much the same as it was at it’s founding: centered on the teaching of the gospel to the youth of the church, conducting and participating in service, and building the leadership skills of the youth within the church. But, after all this time, why has this group not seen the same decline in youth attendance? The answer can be found not in the attitude of the youth themselves, but in the changing way that the church views the youth of its ministry. Youth would be more willing to continue in their church as an adult if they are given responsibility early, were able to gain more from their church meetings personally, and feel they are contributing to the congregation as a whole.

Fairytale Fiction “The Red Path” by Lauren Matthews

Lauren’s presentation was about a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood that she is working on turning into a novella. She talked a lot about the historical and symbolic meaning behind the story. She talking about the link the story had to powerful woman and womanhood. She mentioned one retelling where Little Red was saved by a group of woman who helped her to escape the wolf by laying a path for her across a river that the wolf could not cross. Little Reds safety came by women's influence, and the story tells us how powerful that can be.

She also told us that in some of the stories, Red had to choose between a path of pins or a path of needles to make it to her destination. In some stories, she chose neither, but the choice did not seem to make a difference. The paths were a metaphor for the girls growing up and experiencing maturation. The red hood is also seen as a metaphor for this, as well as the girl going through the wolf, and back out again. It was interesting to think of the story in this way, and relate a deeper meaning to all the events beyond the normal “curiosity killed the cat” message, or something like that.

Lauren also focused a lot on the relationship between the girl and the wolf within her story. Just as the girl had to go through the wolf to reach a new understanding, the girl could not take her place in the world without her connection and struggle with the wolf. In Lauren’s tale itself, the initial encounter between the girl, Lilla, and the wolf was more of a prologue into the rest of the story. After the wolf kills her grandmother, and supposedly kills her, he lives for many years killing and stealing the skins of the people he encounters. Until one day, when he is disguised as a man, he crosses paths with the king and his queen - Lilla. The story then unfolds about the struggle between Lilla and wolf both being the last of their kind (him having killed her family, and her having all the wolves killed after that) but still being unable to kill each other, until one day they are both being hunted and must ban together to survive. It was a reeeeally interesting retelling, and I hope that one day I will be able to read the whole story.

Style Academy #4 - Participles

Exercise #1- Identify the Participles

I fell ten feet to the ground, landing on my back.
I fell ten feet to the ground, and I landed on my back.
When I fell town feet to the ground, I landed on my back.

The first way the sentence it written, it definitely gives it a sense of motion, sort of like you are reading it in the moment it it happening. The second why makes it feel like one cause and effect action, but nothing more than that. And the last way, adding "when" gives sort of a disconnect to the audience, like it happened at some point, but it does not matter because it did not happen now.

Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder
(kneeling carefully)
(submerged)
watching the blood trial away and the steady movement of the water . . 

Again, they make the sentence more concise an floating. Changing the phasing from a participial to another tense makes the sentence more interesting and more connected.

Long credited with changing the way Y.A. fiction is written
Empowering a generation to demand stories that reelected their realities

Exercise #2 - Creating Participles 

The girls stood in the road by the side of the car.
Growing more tired by the minute, the girls stood in the road by the side of the car, wishing the engine would start working soon.

Review
I have never really consciously thought about adding participles into my writing, but after watching this video, I realize how often they do pop up while I write. They are definitely a tool I have used before without even knowing it, but now I do know how to recognize participles, and I will be able to use them more to my advantage in the future.

I really like the use of participles because of how they make sentences flow better. Repeating the same kinds of phasing while writing can make your paper sound choppy and jarring. But switching it up with different sentence structure and participles will make all of it seem more interesting, and probably smoother to read.

Issues Paper - Getting my Feet Wet

Topic #1
SEARCH: church attendance young adults
-"Religion Among the Millennials
http://www.pewforum.org/2010/02/17/religion-among-the-millennials/
      -Although the "Millennial's" show less infester in church attendance and affiliation with any one faith, the religious ideas they have still closely resemble traditional beliefs. 

-"Survey: Reasons Why Young Adults Quit Church"
http://www.christianpost.com/news/survey-reasons-why-young-adults-quit-church-28813/
     -The teen years are seen as a time to test religion, but as life changes - college, jobs, more responsibility - young adults stop going for simply the reason of inconvenience 

-"The Real Reasons Young Adults Drop Out of Church"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2014/december/real-reasons-young-adults-drop-out-of-church.html?paging=off
   -In addition to life changes and/or just wanting a break, other reasons youth drop our of church come from disconnect with members, or members being judgmental, hypocritical, unfriendly and unwelcoming.


Topic #2
SEACH: why read the king james bible

-"King James Version - King James Bible Online"
http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/King-James-Version/
      -It is simply the most popular. It is the original, and that hold value. It has a very poetic word choice.

-"Why I Read the Authorized King James Version of the Bible"
http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/kjvdefns.htm
     -God is unchanging, therefore, we should not try to change his word.

-"Why Do We Support only The King James Bible For the English people?"
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Bible/kjb_only.htm
       -Much all the other article from this website, other versions do not hold enough value.



I have chosen the first topic, because it seems to offer a wider verity of  opinions and reasonings, so it will be easier for me to create my own specific approach based about the evidence I find.

Thesis Proposal

"Response to Gov. Romney's Speech, 'Faith in America'"

Although this response paper was supposed to point-out and counter many of the fallacies Romney made in his speech, I felt that the author only managed to use up the same fallacies within their own work. They regarded how Romney's speech was tailored only to the religious in America, but made the same choice by appealing only to the non-religious in America. Either way, a portion of the population was cut out, and I think the response paper was greatly weakened by their polarized point of view. Their language was also off putting to a third-party audience, and in doing so, lead the reader to focus more on that point than the overall massage of the paper.

I do seen how this paper would be convincing to the intended audience, who might have also seen the one-sighted view of Romney's original speech. It would also work to affirm the opinions of those who did not like Romney's ideas on religion. I think he used a lot of Logos and Pathos to draw in the audience.

Style Academy - Phrases and Clauses Exercieses

Honestly, I keep forgetting that we have to physically hand in the Style Academy reviews, and I feel really bad for it, but I will 100% do it this next time...

It's as simple as that. 

I watched the video about Phrases and Clauses, and I am going to have to say, this is one of the less-helpful videos on this site. The information given was simple and understandable, but I think it was a little to simple. I feel like they could have fit more information into it, and a bit more of a writing exercise. Maybe the difference between clauses and phrases really is that simple.

Or, maybe the reason they focused on so little within the video, is because a lot of people still struggle with the concept. I was second guessing myself on some of the exercise sentences, though came out with the right answer in the end, and I think it will help me to think about clauses and phrases when rereading my papers. 

Still, I feel the whole video can be summed up in this one screen shot, and next time I will try to pick a more in-depth one (and remember to turn it in in class...)

Exercise:

Is it a Phrase or a Clause?

"on the front porch"

-phrase (prepositional phrase)

"after the dinner party"

-phrase 

"we ate peas and carrots"

-clause (independent)

"after running to the store"

-phrase